Testimony – From Religion to Christ

by Rob-roy (USA, August 2007)

Before I trusted Christ

Before I was saved I had made a decision and commitment for Jesus and thought I was saved. I followed Jesus teachings under my own power without realizing until it become painfully obvious to me I had not been born again. I had only been very determined to make a decision to follow Jesus. I had been sorry for sin but lacked true repentance and could not see that at the time.

Oswald Chamber's "The Doorway to the Kingdom" describes very well what happend to me before I was saved.

Beware of thinking of our Lord as only a teacher. If Jesus Christ is only a teacher, then all He can do is frustrate me by setting a standard before me I cannot attain. What is the point of presenting me with such a lofty ideal if I cannot possibly come close to reaching it? I would be happier if I never knew it. What good is there in telling me to be what I can never be— to be "pure in heart" ( Matthew 5:8 ), to do more than my duty, or to be completely devoted to God? I must know Jesus Christ as my Savior before His teaching has any meaning for me other than that of a lofty ideal which only leads to despair.

But when I am born again by the Spirit of God, I know that Jesus Christ did not come only to teach— He came to make me what He teaches I should be. The redemption means that Jesus Christ can place within anyone the same nature that ruled His own life, and all the standards God gives us are based on that nature.

The teaching of the Sermon on the Mount produces a sense of despair in the natural man— exactly what Jesus means for it to do. As long as we have some self-righteous idea that we can carry out our Lord’s teaching, God will allow us to continue until we expose our own ignorance by stumbling over some obstacle in our way. Only then are we willing to come to Him as paupers and receive from Him. "Blessed are the poor in spirit . . . ." This is the first principle in the kingdom of God.

The underlying foundation of Jesus Christ’s kingdom is poverty, not possessions; not making decisions for Jesus, but having such a sense of absolute futility that we finally admit, "Lord, I cannot even begin to do it." Then Jesus says, "Blessed are you . . ." ( Matthew 5:11 ). This is the doorway to the kingdom, and yet it takes us so long to believe that we are actually poor! The knowledge of our own poverty is what brings us to the proper place where Jesus Christ accomplishes His work.

In my determination to follow the teachings of Jesus and get right with Him I finally came to the end of my strength and was left with my sin which I began to despise. In that I found brokenness and despair. It was impossible to follow Him. I ran as fast as I could to follow Jesus and was as determined as I had ever been to "do this right" but I could not keep up with His pace. Under my own power I was able to run and keep up with Jesus for a period and things seemed great but before long I fell behind and He disappeared in the horizon. The sins I was determined to eliminate by following Jesus had initially been left in the dust when I sprinted out of the gate but now were closing back in on me as my strength weakened. I determined to run harder. It was hopeless. He was long gone. The best I could do was worthless. In my own power I was left in my sin and without Jesus to save me from it.

It was then it became obvious to me that I had been running under my own power and had not really repented. I was confused because I was sincere in really wanting to follow Him. I was not trying to earn salvation but I wanted to do the right things and tried very hard. I thought I had really trusted in Jesus but the truth was I had never done that. I had said the words but I had not really done what I had said. The truth is I was trusting in myself to follow Jesus which slowly resulted in complete failure and brokenness. And in that absolute brokenness I had no where to turn except to surrender to the true Jesus. Instead of being determined to follow Him I cried out that I wanted to but could not.

How Christ Saved Me

It was when I stopped running and was stripped of all pride and self righteousness that He appeared to me and comforted me. He told me He would do the running and do it through because he would live in me. I was further broken by His kindness in light of my sins. Not only had He paid the price for my sin, which I did not deserve, He also would do His saving work in me instead of me doing it. Instead of wanting to follow Him ,which I had been doing, I now justed wanted Him and nothing else. The very thing I did not deserve and at the moment I least deserved it was provided to me by the grace of God at the cost of Jesus on the cross. It was the first time I had really known how truly deep His kindness and love is. Why would He save me? Especially now when I least deserved it. And yet He crossed it all out and I was His. Nothing else mattered.

I truly repented of my sins for the first time and surrendered all my trust to Him and was born again. I had been sorry for sin and had considered myself saved for most of my life but it was not until that day I was saved. I had completely come to the end of myself and my sin to find Jesus waiting there all along to surrender to. Instead of a decision for Jesus I actually had Jesus. What a difference.

Since Christ Saved Me

Now I continue to focus only on Him. He is the only true Savior who paid for my wretched sins and the Lord who lives in me to do His will by His power and in His way. He has given me a new life, a new heart and new desires. He is Jesus. And so my life is no longer my own.